Stress - What is it and how best to manage it?

We all know that stress is the ‘silent killer’. That it lowers the immune system, affects mental health, increases the risk of heart disease, medical concerns, depression and anxiety. We know that it affects cognitive function, health, mood, motivation and behaviour. We know that stress can negatively impact all aspects of our lives – mental, emotional, physical and behavioural. We know a lot about it and it is very common in our vernacular to name stress and to articulate feeling, being and even living in a very stressed state.

But not all stress is ‘bad’. Nor should it be avoided at all costs and viewed in blanket terrifying terms  such as ‘the silent killer’. On the contrary, some stress in our lives is helpful and even necessary. It increases resilience, develops strength, enhances physical performance, boosts energy and helps the body and mind adapt.

Think of it like placing your foot on the accelerator in the car you are driving. We need that function and the ability to propel the car into motion and to speed it up and increase its efficiency. Same with the body. Pressing the accelerator – applying stress – activates the sympathetic nervous system. And that’s great. It propels us into action to arrive at our desired destination, just like the car.

And, we also need to be able to apply the brakes, on the car and on the body and mind. Pressing the brake pedal allows the car to slow down and to stop. The brake pedal on the car and in our life activates the parasympathetic nervous system to restore and repair. It’s in our control, of our own volition.

The ‘danger’ arises when our foot is constantly on the accelerator of our life and we do not press the brake enough or in a timely enough manner. Like our car, we run out of fuel, we are unable to slow down or fully stop. There is not enough fuel in the tank to healthily sustain and propel us. The car – our body and mind – gets worn out and breaks down eventually (or sooner). Or – even worse – we crash.

And that is what we have come to know as stress being the silent killer. When it is constant, consistent, chronic. That is when dis-ease becomes disease and stress-related issues occur. Our body isn’t able to activate the parasympathetic nervous system because the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is switched on and doesn’t get switched off. Therefore the crucial functions of the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) cannot be fulfilled – we cannot heal, grow, restore, recover, rest and digest because our body has the signal that its energy and resources are needed for the action and emergency. So we stop functioning optimally.

The sweet spot lies in knowing this. In recognizing the need for both an accelerator and a brake pedal. Understanding how, why and when we (and it is different for everyone) control both.   Knowing that our body and mind cannot run on fumes, knowing that we cannot healthily function if the fight or flight SNS is too regularly overly activated, suppressing the activity of the PNS, we can drive our car of life accordingly.

One important consideration is  our own knowing whether the stress we are feeling is within our capacity to cope with or beyond it. And adjusting accordingly. If we are pushed outside of our comfort zone, for example as we would be when putting our body and muscles under stress when developing physical fitness, but are not overwhelmed (as we might be when we collapse having exercised too heavily for our current fitness and strength levels!), this is not stress we need to fear or avoid. This is manageable and even healthy stress.

Knowing how much stress is too much stress (for our own unique systems, situations and lives – which are constantly evolving and variable) is vital. Knowing when to seek medical or emotional support and knowing when stress is no longer helpful but has become harmful is critical. Preventing stress building up, becoming chronic, causing harm is fundamental.

Noticing our body and our feelings is crucial in this. Dr Gabor Mate, amongst others, remind us that to feel better, we need to get better at feeling. When do I feel most overwhelmed? Where in my body am I feeling this stress?  What reduces that for me? What do I notice in my body when stress or overwhelm is building? What nourishes me? How do I feel after I have done this activity? What slows my heart rate most quickly? Do I sleep more peacefully or more fitfully after I have partaken in this activity?

Finding what prevents and reduces stress is a very personal thing. What nourishes and nurtures and signals the PNS to kick in for one person can be very different to what calms another. Suggesting practices such as breathwork, journalling, painting, meditation, gardening, sipping green tea or cacao, walking in nature or singing is undoubtedly useful. And so is recognizing that sport, reading, pets, eating fine food, whitewater rafting, crocheting or climbing mountains could constitute someone else’s requirements. For me, the prescription is a combination of highly physical release including regular walking, running and strength training alongside non-negotiable daily meditation, breathwork and time in nature. The simplicity of “Find what you love and do more of it.” is golden. Apply this to what regulates your nervous system and relieves your stress and it becomes easier to keep doing what makes you feel better.

Micro-moments and small, regular consistent practices are infinitely more beneficial than saturating in self-care at the weekend after an overwhelmingly stressful week. It isn’t easy to compensate for the accelerator pedal being pushed down for long periods with a spa day or one yoga class (although they are wonderful). Building in regulating habits and resetting practices to our everyday lives is much more nourishing, sustainable and effective.

Somatic practices and the breath are perhaps among the easiest to sustain as they don’t depend on particular contexts, equipment or environments. They are always available, accessible and completely free!

Perhaps try a few of these and see which resonate or feel good to you? Or make up your own? Try making them a regular habit. Repeat each as often as feels right for you in the moment. Effects are cumulative, so the more we practise, the more we signal safety and activate the PNS.

·       Grounding practices such as feeling the feet on the floor and points of contact with our seat/floor. Pressing gently into these signals safety.

·       Raising and dropping your shoulders and taking several deep breaths.

·       Progressive muscle relaxation squeezing and releasing parts of the body in turn.

·       Shaking your body after each meeting/Zoom call/interaction. (just as an animal in the wild shakes out stress after an encounter)

·       Squeezing all the energy up to the top of your head and contracting all your muscles until they feel ready to release and then sighing that exhale out, releasing with it the tension in your body.

·       Breathing in and holding the breath before exhaling is a very quick signal to the Vagus Nerve that it is time to relax (learning more about that wonderful nerve will also stand you in great stead for managing stress).

·       Inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth calms very quickly.

·       Massaging the ears is surprisingly therapeutic, or the hands, or around the collarbones,(or feet if the environment allows)

·       Box breathing - breathe in for the count of four, hold for the count of four, out for the count of four, hold for the count of four. (Reputedly used by Navy SEALs!)

·       Swinging the arms around the body allowing them to slap against the sides of the body/hips

·       Humming or chanting (such as the Oum sound) stimulates the Vagus Nerve, as does singing

·       Cold water. It needn’t be a plunge. Splashing your face or running cold water on your wrists works well, too.

·       Social bonding. Eye contact and some wisely selected conversation relieves stress significantly. Touch and/or laughter are added bonuses.

·       Stretching any part of the body – neck, legs, arms…releases and discharges beautifully

·       A mantra such as ‘Breathe. Calm. I can handle this.’ also quickly signals safety to the system.

The knowledge or belief that we have the capacity to cope is enormously empowering and, in itself, leads to the capacity to cope. Teaching children and clients to manage stress through self-compassion is an invaluable technique. Adapted from the work of Dr Kristen Neff, I suggest a mantra such as:

“This is a moment of stress.

Stress is a part of my life, as it is everyone else’s.

May I be kind to myself in this moment.

May I know that this feeling of stress will pass.”

I offer as a closing comment the reminder that you, we, none of us, are in this alone. If stress feels too much for you right now, reach out, seek support, ask for help to find your way through.  Remember that you are and can be supported and that nothing, even stress, is insurmountable.

Published in National Hypnotherapy Magazine Autumn 2025 edition