Stress - What is it and how best to manage it?

We all know that stress is the ‘silent killer’. That it lowers the immune system, affects mental health, increases the risk of heart disease, medical concerns, depression and anxiety. We know that it affects cognitive function, health, mood, motivation and behaviour. We know that stress can negatively impact all aspects of our lives – mental, emotional, physical and behavioural. We know a lot about it and it is very common in our vernacular to name stress and to articulate feeling, being and even living in a very stressed state.

But not all stress is ‘bad’. Nor should it be avoided at all costs and viewed in blanket terrifying terms  such as ‘the silent killer’. On the contrary, some stress in our lives is helpful and even necessary. It increases resilience, develops strength, enhances physical performance, boosts energy and helps the body and mind adapt.

Think of it like placing your foot on the accelerator in the car you are driving. We need that function and the ability to propel the car into motion and to speed it up and increase its efficiency. Same with the body. Pressing the accelerator – applying stress – activates the sympathetic nervous system. And that’s great. It propels us into action to arrive at our desired destination, just like the car.

And, we also need to be able to apply the brakes, on the car and on the body and mind. Pressing the brake pedal allows the car to slow down and to stop. The brake pedal on the car and in our life activates the parasympathetic nervous system to restore and repair. It’s in our control, of our own volition.

The ‘danger’ arises when our foot is constantly on the accelerator of our life and we do not press the brake enough or in a timely enough manner. Like our car, we run out of fuel, we are unable to slow down or fully stop. There is not enough fuel in the tank to healthily sustain and propel us. The car – our body and mind – gets worn out and breaks down eventually (or sooner). Or – even worse – we crash.

And that is what we have come to know as stress being the silent killer. When it is constant, consistent, chronic. That is when dis-ease becomes disease and stress-related issues occur. Our body isn’t able to activate the parasympathetic nervous system because the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is switched on and doesn’t get switched off. Therefore the crucial functions of the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) cannot be fulfilled – we cannot heal, grow, restore, recover, rest and digest because our body has the signal that its energy and resources are needed for the action and emergency. So we stop functioning optimally.

The sweet spot lies in knowing this. In recognizing the need for both an accelerator and a brake pedal. Understanding how, why and when we (and it is different for everyone) control both.   Knowing that our body and mind cannot run on fumes, knowing that we cannot healthily function if the fight or flight SNS is too regularly overly activated, suppressing the activity of the PNS, we can drive our car of life accordingly.

One important consideration is  our own knowing whether the stress we are feeling is within our capacity to cope with or beyond it. And adjusting accordingly. If we are pushed outside of our comfort zone, for example as we would be when putting our body and muscles under stress when developing physical fitness, but are not overwhelmed (as we might be when we collapse having exercised too heavily for our current fitness and strength levels!), this is not stress we need to fear or avoid. This is manageable and even healthy stress.

Knowing how much stress is too much stress (for our own unique systems, situations and lives – which are constantly evolving and variable) is vital. Knowing when to seek medical or emotional support and knowing when stress is no longer helpful but has become harmful is critical. Preventing stress building up, becoming chronic, causing harm is fundamental.

Noticing our body and our feelings is crucial in this. Dr Gabor Mate, amongst others, remind us that to feel better, we need to get better at feeling. When do I feel most overwhelmed? Where in my body am I feeling this stress?  What reduces that for me? What do I notice in my body when stress or overwhelm is building? What nourishes me? How do I feel after I have done this activity? What slows my heart rate most quickly? Do I sleep more peacefully or more fitfully after I have partaken in this activity?

Finding what prevents and reduces stress is a very personal thing. What nourishes and nurtures and signals the PNS to kick in for one person can be very different to what calms another. Suggesting practices such as breathwork, journalling, painting, meditation, gardening, sipping green tea or cacao, walking in nature or singing is undoubtedly useful. And so is recognizing that sport, reading, pets, eating fine food, whitewater rafting, crocheting or climbing mountains could constitute someone else’s requirements. For me, the prescription is a combination of highly physical release including regular walking, running and strength training alongside non-negotiable daily meditation, breathwork and time in nature. The simplicity of “Find what you love and do more of it.” is golden. Apply this to what regulates your nervous system and relieves your stress and it becomes easier to keep doing what makes you feel better.

Micro-moments and small, regular consistent practices are infinitely more beneficial than saturating in self-care at the weekend after an overwhelmingly stressful week. It isn’t easy to compensate for the accelerator pedal being pushed down for long periods with a spa day or one yoga class (although they are wonderful). Building in regulating habits and resetting practices to our everyday lives is much more nourishing, sustainable and effective.

Somatic practices and the breath are perhaps among the easiest to sustain as they don’t depend on particular contexts, equipment or environments. They are always available, accessible and completely free!

Perhaps try a few of these and see which resonate or feel good to you? Or make up your own? Try making them a regular habit. Repeat each as often as feels right for you in the moment. Effects are cumulative, so the more we practise, the more we signal safety and activate the PNS.

·       Grounding practices such as feeling the feet on the floor and points of contact with our seat/floor. Pressing gently into these signals safety.

·       Raising and dropping your shoulders and taking several deep breaths.

·       Progressive muscle relaxation squeezing and releasing parts of the body in turn.

·       Shaking your body after each meeting/Zoom call/interaction. (just as an animal in the wild shakes out stress after an encounter)

·       Squeezing all the energy up to the top of your head and contracting all your muscles until they feel ready to release and then sighing that exhale out, releasing with it the tension in your body.

·       Breathing in and holding the breath before exhaling is a very quick signal to the Vagus Nerve that it is time to relax (learning more about that wonderful nerve will also stand you in great stead for managing stress).

·       Inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth calms very quickly.

·       Massaging the ears is surprisingly therapeutic, or the hands, or around the collarbones,(or feet if the environment allows)

·       Box breathing - breathe in for the count of four, hold for the count of four, out for the count of four, hold for the count of four. (Reputedly used by Navy SEALs!)

·       Swinging the arms around the body allowing them to slap against the sides of the body/hips

·       Humming or chanting (such as the Oum sound) stimulates the Vagus Nerve, as does singing

·       Cold water. It needn’t be a plunge. Splashing your face or running cold water on your wrists works well, too.

·       Social bonding. Eye contact and some wisely selected conversation relieves stress significantly. Touch and/or laughter are added bonuses.

·       Stretching any part of the body – neck, legs, arms…releases and discharges beautifully

·       A mantra such as ‘Breathe. Calm. I can handle this.’ also quickly signals safety to the system.

The knowledge or belief that we have the capacity to cope is enormously empowering and, in itself, leads to the capacity to cope. Teaching children and clients to manage stress through self-compassion is an invaluable technique. Adapted from the work of Dr Kristen Neff, I suggest a mantra such as:

“This is a moment of stress.

Stress is a part of my life, as it is everyone else’s.

May I be kind to myself in this moment.

May I know that this feeling of stress will pass.”

I offer as a closing comment the reminder that you, we, none of us, are in this alone. If stress feels too much for you right now, reach out, seek support, ask for help to find your way through.  Remember that you are and can be supported and that nothing, even stress, is insurmountable.

Published in National Hypnotherapy Magazine Autumn 2025 edition

What Exactly is Breathwork All About?!

As a Trauma-Informed Breathwork Facilitator, regularly practising as well as teaching and holding space for others’ breathwork, I can sometimes forget that what breathwork actually is and actually does can feel a bit mysterious. It might sound ‘woo woo’ but there is solid science behind it! Read on if you would like to understand a little more.

We all breathe all day every day, naturally and without effort or thought, even in our sleep.  What constitutes ‘breathwork’ is when we place conscious intention behind or attention on the breath. Various breath patterns  can be utilized, depending on the desired outcome – how we want to feel after the session or what we want the session to support. Through this, we experience the powerful and transformational potential of our breath. And, through this, the potential of ourselves. It really is that simple and that powerful.  

We’re living in a space and time where we’re busier than ever. We’re somewhat disconnected from our bodies. We’re on auto-pilot.  We experience feelings and emotions that we don’t fully deal with or process. Or perhaps don’t even notice. We can bury or over-ride these feelings, self-medicate, distract ourselves, be overwhelmed by or repress or deny them. For many of us, the default is stressed, anxious, worried, tired, overwhelmed. For most of us, at least some of the time, we are not fully present in our minds and bodies. This isn’t our choosing, it is just how we have become conditioned, a result of life’s challenges and expectations and how society ‘functions’.

Health problems, disease, blocks and unhelpful patterns in our lives are often created from unresolved emotions. What these unresolved issues are and where they came from is less important than just being able to process them. Repeatedly ignoring or over-riding emotions, stress or issues results in the body and mind absorbing them and this has significant negative health and wellbeing repercussions. “Ignore it and you store it”.

Breathwork can process stagnant emotions and feelings in the body and support us in connecting to our highest potential and infinite resources. It is a practice of deep connection to our bodies to liberate the intelligence and energy contained within our systems. It offers a holistic way to heal, release, and transform. It is also supremely beneficial to our nervous system, body and overall health.  

It can also be wonderfully relaxing, down-regulating or upregulating, depending on what is needed in that moment! Learning breath patterns that we can effectively, quickly and discretely use to change our state (e.g. to bring more energy or to calm anxiety) is an added benefit that breathwork sessions equip us with for life.

Benefits include:

·       Immediate stress reduction & anxiety relief.

·       Connection with our emotions & our response to them.

·       Revitalise our organs.

·       Access our higher power.

·       Reduce toxins in our body & provide an energetic release.

·       Increase energy & mental clarity.

·       Deepen our relationship to & understanding of our body.

·       Release trauma that has been stuck in our system.

·       Increase access to our intuition, higher self and source energy.

·       Tools & strategies to take into daily life.

Having space held by a trained and qualified breathwork facilitator supports the safe, trauma-informed processing and/or releasing of what is no longer serving us. Having a skilled, trained guide with you ensures that we go ‘to our edge’ but never beyond it and that whatever arises is safely and compassionately met.

Breathwork allows us to be still, be with ourselves, and breathe and feel through our experiences and our feelings. Safely, easily, naturally and beneficially. It really is as simple as that. It really is that simple and that powerful. 

Further reading:

‘Breath, The New Science of a Lost Art’, James Nestor

‘The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma’, Bessel Van Der Kolk

‘When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress’, Dr Gabor Mate

Beyond the Buzzword - Mindfulness for the Individual

Mindfulness means different things to different people, yet there is a risk of it being a buzzword or tokenistic practice which actually means nothing! Sometimes, as approaches and mental health advice mainstream and evidence of the benefits of a particular practice builds, it gains popularity, momentum and exposure. This is certainly a good thing as bringing mindfulness to public awareness and accessibility means it becomes readily available and accepted. Excellent! That’s what we want – for everyone to access a tool and approach that benefits their wellbeing.

However, I find that children and young people I work with and clients I serve misunderstand (and sometimes criticise) mindfulness, as it has been cursorily prescribed, recommended, or taught. When attempted superficially without understanding, it is, in fact,  nowhere near as supportive as it has the potential to be and, at worst, will be rejected by those it is endorsed for.

Mindfulness is sometimes reduced to a lifestyle aesthetic or vague advice—“just be more mindful”—without context, support, or depth. For many, it ‘just didn’t work’ or “I tried but I couldn’t do it.”

Mindfulness can be defined as ‘the practice of intentionally bringing your attention to the present moment, without judgment. It involves observing your thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and environment with openness and curiosity.’

This, clients tell me, is easier said than done. I have practised meditation for decades – it is essential to my own clarity, presence and calm. For me, mindfulness means feels rooted in Buddhist philosophy and Vipassana meditation. It isn’t trying to shut the mind down or fight against the mind doing what it is designed to do. Rather, for me, it is observing the mind, rather than becoming enslaved by it.  Or noticing and focusing outside of the mind in order to quieten it or become less overtaken by it.

It is wonderful that there is encouragement for people to implement mindfulness for their own wellness, for its benefits are truly remarkable and undisputed. However, I believe that it is  most impactful when undertaken with understanding (and genuine experience) of the benefits and personal commitment and dedication to developing it. Just telling people they should practise mindfulness over-simplifies its power and potential.  Mindfulness, in my opinion, needs to be personalised and practised in the way that best works and meets the needs, interests, personality and goals of the individual. And it is enhanced by being better understood.

Let’s start by exploring what mindfulness means to an individual.  When and where and how do you attain this connection to the present moment? Is this through walking in nature; journalling; sitting in meditation; engaging in breathwork; listening to hypnosis audio; reading a book; gardening; walking the dog; listening to music; watching the breath; focusing on an object; walking; running; washing dishes; ironing; Tai Chi; practising yoga……? You see, the possibilities are endless. What matters most is that it feels mindful for you – it has the potential to take you out of the active, overanalytical, busy mind and into the stillness and spaciousness that is also available in that mind. Exploring what connection to self feels and looks like and where and when it is easiest to be fully present is a great starting point towards a sustainable and meaningful practice of mindfulness. This avoids mindfulness being vague, superficial, ineffective and, at worst, another thing to feel we are not getting right!

Having collaborated an understanding of what, why and how mindfulness might be an approach to benefit an individual, we can then offer approaches and practices. Apps, teachers, websites, audios, tutorials, books and resources abound.

Like any practice, habit or lifestyle change, finding something that suits, is manageable and is enjoyable (or effective) is crucial. As is taking it slow and in small, manageable steps. Remember that every little drop fills the bucket and all steps in the desired direction of travel are to be celebrated and valued. You are training your mind and, just as you would  not do one abdominal curl and expect your stomach muscles to be permanently strong and perfected, regular, manageable and consistent practice, and realistic goals are essential.

Grounding practices, although again personal, are useful to explore. Feeling your feet (or a point of the body, such as a toe) on the ground, focusing on the seat beneath you when sitting or bringing attention and focus to the body can be enormously useful in feeling grounded and centred. Coupled with a regular routine/movement and a mantra, the brain quickly learns what is expected and responds accordingly. I love to take a few deep, slow breaths and internally say and feel “Grounded. Connected. Protected.”

A mantra or statement on repeat can be useful. “Keep breathing. I am safe. I can handle this.” works well for my young son. The more you are able to embody this – really really feel it – the more effective the phrase becomes at soothing and calming. Mindfulness on a phrase, statement or mantra gives the mind something to focus on other than the danger it was perceiving.

In times of stress, the Central Nervous System needs to receive a signal of safety. Energy can be moved in three ways – through the breath, through movement or through sounding (or all three!). Try a loud sigh on an exhale (or a few) and see how good that feels! Shake, jump, stomp or swing the body and move the stress through. Go for a short walk. Practise some conscious, intentional breathing to give the brain and body something to focus on other than the stress you are feeling.

Breathwork is a quick, effective and universally  available and accessible method to ground and calm energy. A simple, effective breath pattern such as the halo-active breath is an easy, memorable tool that is always on hand – and it’s powerful. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, letting the exhale be longer than the inhale and allowing the breath to fall out of the mouth. Holding the breath at the top, at the end of the inhale, activates the Vagus Nerve and parasympathetic nervous system, permissioning calm. Similarly, attention on the exhale has a calming effect. For added benefits, place your attention on the heart area and activate the energy of compassion and love.

Visualising a central channel, an elevator shaft, a red thread, a tunnel,  in the body that energy flows into, through, around and out of is also helpful. Circulating, flowing, moving. For example, breathing through the central channel, up through the feet from the earth, into the base of the spine and all the way up to the top of the head and out can be wonderfully centring and grounding. Visualise, feel or imagine that energy coming in from overhead and back down through the body all the way through the feet and into the roots of the earth and the crystalline core at the centre of the earth. Repeat as often as you need or want, noticing sensations, thoughts, emotions, feelings.  

All of these approaches are forms of mindfulness – intentionally bringing attention to the present moment. How you do this is up to you. Play with a few. See what brings most calm. Notice how you feel afterwards. Find which is easiest. Be aware of which you are drawn to and go with that. You can’t mess mindfulness up! If it works for you in bringing your attention to the present moment, then it’s mindfulness and the benefits will be felt! Its effects are cumulative. Little and often and whenever you can – it all adds up and eventually becomes your default, the norm, easy to access, your brain and body trained to just easily and naturally engage with it.

Essentially, mindfulness is a practice best undertaken with intentionality and personal ownership or desire. It is, by its very nature, different for everyone. Exploring it with curiosity and compassion will help you to discover the approach(es) that bring you most mindfulness. And, as a result, the greatest benefits.

Published in National Hypnotherapy Magazine July 2025