Nervous system regulation feels like a bit of a buzz phrase at the moment. Everyone is talking about it. It’s all over Social Media, therapy spaces and wellbeing worlds. There is a plethora of advice, tips, hacks, gadgets, classes, how to, why to, what to and what not to do. And a great many of these are very helpful indeed. And a great many are not. Because, truly, there is no hack, no shortcut and no ‘one and done’ with nervous system regulation. And, in my opinion, there is also a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding.
Your Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) works quietly in the background, managing everything you don’t consciously control: your heart rate, breathing, digestion, body temperature and so on. Its most important job is to keep you safe. And it determines whether or not you feel safe.
There are two branches of that ANS. The Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) is responsible for rest and recovery. The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is responsible for action, stress, movement. Essentially there are two gears, rest and digest versus fight or flight. And both are essential. Problems arise, however, if we get stuck in one or the other for too long.
The Sympathetic Nervous System is like a car’s accelerator. It drives the “fight, flight, freeze or fawn” response. When your brain senses a threat, stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are released, your heart beats faster, your breathing quickens and your muscles prepare for action.
The Parasympathetic Nervous System is like the car’s brake, often called “rest and digest.” This is the state in which the body can slow down, digest food, sleep deeply and carry out repair. It’s the calm bit.
A healthy nervous system (a regulated one) moves between these two gears or states, easily, often and naturally, as required in daily life. So, to continue the analogy, it can press the accelerator when needed and find the brake straight after.
A regulated nervous system is one that adapts, one that can move flexibly between states of activation and of calm. One that shifts naturally and easily between the SNS, mobilizing you for action, and the PNS, allowing you rest and recovery. A regulated nervous system functions better, recovers quicker, doesn’t get stuck in high alert or exhaustion. So you can respond more appropriately, manage more easily, function more healthily, live more optimally. That’s it.
Let’s look at some myths and misinformation. A regulated nervous system is NOT:
· Calm all the time. This is unrealistic, impossible, and, frankly, unhelpful! A regulated nervous system is able to return to calm after stress or activity. It has a baseline of calm that is easily accessed and naturally available. It is like being able to press the accelerator when needed and find the brake when not. But you are not striving for constant, unfazed, unflappable calm and Zen all day every day.
· It isn’t feeling relaxed and happy all the time. Emotions are a normal part of being human. Feeling anxious before a big event, angry about an injustice or sad after a loss isn’t a sign of dysregulation. It’s a sign that you’re alive and responding to your life. You’re not necessarily dysregulated – you are experiencing the full range of being a human.
· It isn’t suppressing emotions. Pretending you’re fine and pushing feelings down can look like calm from the outside, but it often keeps the body in a state of stress. Regulation lets emotions move through us, rather than overwhelming us or being locked away. More on this in my next blog.
· It isn’t a destination. You don’t become regulated once and stay that way. Everyone moves in and out of regulation many times a day. It’s a capacity you build and a practice you return to.
· It isn’t a personal failing if you struggle with it. Our nervous systems are shaped by our experiences, including childhood, trauma, chronic stress, illness and the pressures of daily life. If your system often feels on high alert, it has learned to protect you. That deserves compassion, not judgement. It’s actually trying to keep you safe.
· It isn’t possible or desirable to reset. Nervous system resets seem very popular. A nervous system adapts, evolves and is constantly responding and changing. There is no magic baseline to return to. Nor is there a default factory setting that we should strive for. Inaccurate and unhelpful.
· It isn’t a one and done. One sound bath, one yoga session or one massage will not result in a regulated nervous system. Yes, these can help to regulate your nervous system and are beneficial, of course. But, like anything in our body, you cannot expect to do something once and for the benefits to last forever. You don’t do situps once and expect to keep strong abs.
What a regulated nervous system is
A regulated nervous system is not one that’s always calm. It’s one that’s flexible.
It can respond to a challenge, such as a deadline, a difficult conversation or a near miss on the road, by pressing the accelerator. Then, once the challenge has passed, it can find the brake and return to a place of steadiness.
Regulation is about this ability to move up into activation and back down again, rather than staying stuck at either extreme.
When the nervous system regularly returns to a state of safety, the body can get on with its essential maintenance work. This supports deeper, more restorative sleep, healthy digestion, immune function, and physical rest and repair.
Regulation affects the mind as well as the body. When we feel safe, the thinking part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, is more available to us. We can focus, solve problems, see things in perspective and respond rather than react.
It also shapes our relationships. It’s far easier to listen, empathise, set boundaries and feel close to others when we’re thriving than when we’re surviving.
Learning to regulate the nervous system doesn’t remove life’s challenges. It gives us greater capacity to meet them, and to recover more quickly afterwards.
Our nervous systems are adaptable. With gentle, consistent practice, we can find our way back to steadiness more easily.
Some of the simplest and most effective ways to support regulation include:
Slow, intentional breathing, particularly with a longer out-breath than in-breath, which helps activate the body’s calming response.
Movement, such as walking, stretching, dancing, yoga or shaking out tension.
Time in nature, which many people find naturally settling.
Connection with people who feel safe and supportive.
Cool or cold water, immersion or just splashing the face or washing the hands.
Rest and sleep, prioritised as necessities rather than luxuries.
Reiki, which can help the body experience deep states of safety and relaxation.
Breathwork, which allows the body to process and to regulate.
Regular practices and rhythms and habits of self-care
Small moments of regulation, repeated often, matter more than occasional big efforts.
A regulated nervous system isn’t about never being shaken, always being calm. It’s about being able to come back to yourself, again and again. It’s about having agency over and responsibility for our responses and our states. It’s about taking care of ourselves, our bodies, our systems.
